15th July 2012

15^th July 2012 

The Leadership Academy is up and running, and I have now been working at the WLT for three months and 15 days. 

Today I had a day off with a few work interruptions. It started with a long waited for lie-in, the morning quiet broken by the ping of the microwave as M heated the milk for her coffee at 5.30am, and then started baking for the coffee shop. I lay  in bed for three hours, trying to get back to sleep, ear plugs in, eye mask on, my mind going on and on and on about what a shopping mall Tula House has become and how completely irritated I am by the constant passage of people and disturbance. 

I didn’t want to make M feel bad  - she’s such a little old thing, and so sensitive, and really, what would it help to be shitty or try and correct the situation by asking her to wait until 7am. Something in me switched and I decided to just drop it, and be nice. And that was the right decision. It was so much easier than “asking for my needs to be met”.

It is the time of accelerated processing. Just say the thing that needs saying and move on. Sometimes its to give an instruction, sometimes its to straighten something out, but rarely is it an emotional share out here in lion lands.

In my love life too, my beloved is an extraordinary man who moves through things quickly – so far that I have known him, he is willing to engage and move into love. What an incredible blessing. I adore him.

Today I took a slow walk down the river. The participants were in silence all day, and as I am premenstrual, things are a bit touch and go – yesterday I felt so down, today jolly, I just walk slowly. Earthwalked. Thought of getting Julia over to Earthwalk here. How she can manifest and get the money together.

I slowed in the sun next to the knot of trees uprooted and swept downstream in January’s flood – the once picturesque riverside now a wild tangle of trees, bamboo and vines, wild and impassable. I heard the snort of a hippo later today, and I’m aware the leopard is there. Lots of birdlife, someone calling the alarm as I entered the bush.

After I paid my respects the remembrance filtered though that I had wondered if Africa would spit me out or accept me back, before I came here.

The learning has been much more than that. My home and work environment populated by people I would normally only find myself working with, I have been pushed to my edge for weeks on end in a huge projection and transference on one particular woman, to whom I have a physical reaction of heightened anxiety , incessant allergy and obsessive defensive reaction to. I have experienced her betraying me, side-swiping me, constantly trying to off-load her work onto me, and this is after we started off by being friends. Oh, its been too awful … but finally today I am seeing some light, after I got it this morning that I can lighten up a bit and watch my extreme reactions and the fantasies my mind makes up There’s no doubt about it she does send me poison darts energetically, and she gets right under my skin.

Anyhow, it occurred to me today that one of my big spiritual lessons being back here in Africa is to learn how to be in the world, after 12 years retreat (in a manner of speaking) in Australia, a controlled environment. Here, all your worst nightmares can easily come true. I was concerned about being attacked by some kind of dark force and prayed for protection – but I guess I wasn’t clear enough about it or focussed enough on sealing myself off. I got my first big lesson in African spirituality recently when I got a cold that not only wouldn’t go away, but just got worse and worse and bronchial. As my mind descended into a dark place, I realised that the entities has once more attached to me, and I told L as I was worried that I was getting very ill, with a nasty malaria type headache starting up. She advised I spend time with the lions, which I did. I asked for their help and they came to find me – Matsieng – the lion I have felt connected to since Australia, and Zukhara came to the gate of Tula House one morning after I had asked for their help the night before, and checked me out for ten minutes. Bliss. The next day Princess Nebu arrested us on the road to the office, in her full glory.

I found out the full details of what happened to me this week. It was an attack, coming from an outside person with dark intentions, channelled through the most unlikely man who to me represented all that is good and upright. It was a direct attack to prevent the birthing of the sacred feminine, and I was one of three who were attacked, the other two being lions. It was very serious, but I was in good healing hands with two incredible Afrikaans women lightworkers and came through.

Tomorrow I get my chart read by M and it sounds like I have a big spiritual awakening coming my way, or elevation, growth, whatever you want to call it. As my beloved says, spiritual expansion in Africa is nowhere near as graceful as the Europeans would have it – here, its more like a rugby scrum, where you lock in with the dark lords and fight for your life.

Indeed. Lesson number 1.

Bismillah.